Panda is in the twilight of her years

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Panda and Nettlepot are close friends

On a cold February morning I opened a door and stepped into another world... that of the elderly donkey living at Axnoller Farm. It's not every day that something catches you unaware, but this was one of those moments as I took in the sight of around 50 donkeys standing side by side along the feeders eating their breakfast almost in silence. Each and every donkey wearing their winter rugs to offer them further warmth.

In this barn is a very special donkey that I fell in love with many years ago during one of my holidays to the Sanctuary. Her name is Panda and this is my journey with her to the present day.

As a supporter of the Sanctuary, long before I joined as a member of staff, I had been travelling 300 miles from my home in Essex to spend a week in the company of donkeys and like-minded people. I was a lot younger then and looking back now I still remember the very first time I walked with donkeys as if it was only yesterday. What came from that first year are personal friendships that have become my extended family. How many holidays can you say that about?

Panda and Jenifer

In 2007 I joined the growing number of "10 yearers" of donkey weekers and I, along with others, were given our "red sweatshirts" which we all wore proudly. The best bit of all though was still to come... we were taken to meet our "donkey weeker" donkeys! My donkey is 19 year old Secret who lives here at the Sanctuary down on the main yard and each year I get a Christmas card from her.

For the 10 years of enjoyment the donkeys had given me, I was looking to give the Sanctuary something back in return. As I already had donkeys of my own, I came up with the idea of painting 100 horseshoes and selling them at Donkey Week with all proceeds given to the Sanctuary.

I had a good source of horseshoes - my farrier who came every 6-8 weeks to trim my donkeys' hooves - and he willingly handed over supplies of old rusty horseshoes when he visited!

100 horseshoes didn't sound at the time very many, but every single one of them had to be rubbed down by hand to remove the rust and old nails before I could spray them all with undercoats and glossy topcoats. I gave myself a whole year to paint them so paced myself and the week before I was due to travel down to Devon for my 10th donkey week, I finished painting my 100th horseshoe.

This is where Panda came into my life... my pièce de résistance was a painting of Panda who I had completely fallen in love with at Axnoller Farm the year before and she kept me going at times when I thought I wasn't going to reach the target I had set.

At the end of my 10th Donkey Week, I auctioned Panda's plaque and this on its own raised £150. It was a very emotional moment as the culmination of my hard work paid off. In total, I think my painted horseshoes raised just over a £1,000 for the Sanctuary. In comparison to what the donkeys have given me over the years, that has been priceless.

So I end my journey with a photo of Panda taken earlier this week of her eating breakfast with her best friend Nettlepot. She's now in the twilight of her years at the grand old age of 41. Each visit I make to Axnoller Farm finds me looking for Panda and spending precious time together.

Thank you Jenifer for your story about Panda. I connected with it right away and it is a gentle reminder to all of us of the grace of diminishment. I like to give alternative gifts to people from The Donkey Sanctuary. For my niece's 21st birthday coming up, I selected an 'Outreach visit' to the elderly. I think this is a wonderful way to honor the aging and bring them joy and I believe hope. And a good reminder to my niece just how much her grandmother loved animals. I wrote a poem recently called 'The Grand Petition' . It's about growing older and what that means to both humans and our animal friends. Old animals open our hearts in new and profound ways. They remind us of the Will to Live, the courage to endure increasing challenges of the aging process with grace, mercy, and gentleness. Old animals lean into us, offering us, their caregivers, physical and emotional strength to be present. How well you translate your thoughts and feelings Jenifer! Here is the poem:

The Grand Petition

When I am old and out of touch
I’ll wonder how you loved me…
Just so much.
I’ll rustle and shake myself
Like a tree in the wind
But steady your gaze stays fixed
As you throw patches of sunshine
Down to me.
Your eyes won’t look at me with disdain
Your eyes won’t see what half remains
Was it all a dream?
When you are old you’ll see me pale
I’ll look in your face
My spirit wailing
But you’ll see what you’ve always seen,
A journey of playing
Or settling close and sitting
For hours, if you like
In just the same spot.
It was all a dream.
And when I am old, and your not here
I’ll take a step expecting a number of things
The fog will clear,
“I’m here!” you’ll sing.
“Stop crying, it’s me, do not be afraid. It was a long time to wait
But I’m sure we’ll be happy, and you’re not too late.”
“Confidence”, you’ll whisper to my
Wonder stone soul, and I’ll dry my eyes
And follow you seeming
To our new home apparently in the
Ground of dreaming.
Only then will I look
In your eyes again
Seeing where I am going
And who I have been.
There it will be, the love set in your eyes
And we’ll walk side by side
During the rest of the evening.

Hello Jenifer

It was lovely to read about Panda and how much she means to you. We thought you might like to know that we spent over three hours with her today. She was enjoying a very peaceful, quiet afternoon with Nettlepot by her side. It was a joy to spend some quality time with her and all her companions in the "oldies" group. As we left, we gave Panda an extra big hug from you.

Keith and Maggie
Quality Time Volunteers
Axnoller Farm

In our haste to let you know we had spent a lovely few hours in the company of Panda yesterday we omitted to include this extra bit of info about our afternoon with her.

In between her dozing and enjoying her afternoon tea she kept coming over to see us and to find out what we were up to. She loves spending time with us and her favourite pastime is to give us the most amazing big nudges - they could almost be called head butts, but in the nicest possible way of course!! These nudges always prompt a big cuddle from us, so we can tell you that we were on the receiving end of quite a few nudges yesterday afternoon!
We left her tucking into her late-afternoon extra feed, looking very happy and contented. We know why you love her, and we do too.

Keith and Maggie
Quality Time Volunteers
Axnoller Farm